How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
