well I can't set my house on fire every night
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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