your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
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I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
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I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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