so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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