he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
