i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
