What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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