Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
