1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
