I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize