i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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