There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
