apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
