oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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