bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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