I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
