taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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