there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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