it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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