the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Semen is not good for contacts.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
