i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
