There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
