My nipple is on Facebook.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
that's an acceptable place to lick
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
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small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the knife in your bed.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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