Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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