Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
