do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
