She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
