she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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