Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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