I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
