absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
