haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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