i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My ass is underappreciated
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
