As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
