It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
