Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
