I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
