wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
