he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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