you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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