My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
