So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
