Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
