dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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