Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
