i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
