That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize