if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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