Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
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His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
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winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
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