I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
