Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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