I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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