I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
