Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
