we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
