Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
