I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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