on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
