That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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