It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
