where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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