once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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