He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
