I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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