she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
