Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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