So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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