His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
