is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
