last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
