he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
