All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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