does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
