Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
