There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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